Monday, May 29, 2017

EPISODE 5: FILTHY BUMNUGGETS











PACCO: 
"Poor Maddie..... That's awful. Godawful. Just... No."
*A tear rolls down Pacco's cheek*





ZELINDA:
"I can't believe Maddie quit this game. All twelve of us signed up for a game and she decided to quit 4 days in. There are two types of people I hate the most in this world- quitters and sore losers. Quitting is for cowards who shouldn't participate in this game in the first place, and most people here will lose anyway, so you shouldn't be bitter for losing. Honestly... As terrible as it sounds, I consider that taxi running into her as karma for quitting so early."








~MOMENTS AFTER THE EXECUTION~

 Maddie: "Oh, hey there, everyone!"

Maddie: "Yes, I'm completely fine. That was just a small little skit that I came up with- I'm an actress, after all."

Maddie: "But let that be a lesson to all you young boys and girls across the world: be mindful of your actions, and ALWAYS look twice before crossing the street! Otherwise you'll wind up a smooshed grape, and who wants to be that?! Not me!"

 Maddie: "Unfortunately, I received news of my great-grandmother's passing earlier today, and decided it was important I be with my family during this time. But instead of just quitting, I decided to go out in style- by delivering a VERY important PSA: Did you know that getting hit by a car is the third leading cause of death for kids 5 to 9 years old? THIRD! That's not good. We can do better, by being more aware as drivers and more cautious as parents and older siblings."

Maddie: "Well, anyway, I better get going before I miss my plane to China.
Bye-bye, Mole Fandom, and good luck to the rest of this season's competitors!"






















[DAY 5]



PAUL:
"Heya my dearest brothers and sisters!! It's me Elder Nugent again! I have a big surprise prepared for my friends today. And nope, I'm not going to spoil it now heheh...
I'm feeling so sorry for Maddie who isn't here with us in this house anymore. She has to attend her great-grandmother's funeral, sadly. It's such a pity that she can't share the fun we are about to have tonight. I'll continue to pray for her and her family.
 By the way, I need to ask where Mr. Governor gets his pair of fluffy bunny slippers! Do you know that I used to dress up as an Easter bunny for the church fundraising concert when I was a boy? :3 Unfortunately, they had to find a replacement when the Stake Priesthood Council couldn't find a costume that fits on me. Ahh- those sweet old memories... how time flies!"

















Paul: "GREETINGS, BROTHERS AND SIS-"

Paul: "....."

Paul: "Oh! Hey there, Jan. Are you here for the scripture study group??"

Jan the Camerawoman: "Erm. No. Just filming your daily antics, as per usual..."

Paul: "Hm..."

Paul: "Suppose people just forgot. They'll come tomorrow, surely!"

Paul: "Behold, hath the Lord commanded any that they should not partake of his goodness? Behold I say unto you, Nay; but all men are privileged the one like unto the other, and none are forbidden..."











Wil: "Hey, sooo... Kaitlin. You said you were in the military? That's pretty neat, I actually once considered-"

Kaitlin: "Please don't interrupt the movie, I've never seen Harry Potter before."

Zelinda: "Shhh!! My favorite scene is coming up!" 
Wil: "How long were you in the military for?"
Kaitlin: "2 years."
Wil: "Why'd you quit?"

Kaitlin: "Look, I know what you're doing."
Wil: "And what's that?"
Kaitlin: "You're trying to get to know me, and it's better for everyone if you don't."

Wil: "But-"
Zelinda: "Oooh, the merpeople! They're so creepy, yet.... beautiful."

 Zelinda: "Did you know it took over 3 weeks to film this 5-minute scene? And Daniel Radcliffe actually spent over 41 hours underwater during this time? Incredible. Can you imagine though? He was basically a fish by the end of it... both literally and figuratively, haha!"

 Wil: "Woah. That IS a lot of time underwater. I'm kind of jealous though, cuz I wish I still had the ability to swim as long as that! Although... Bwhaha! Look at those fins! He's totally swimming like a mermaid. I wonder if I could swim like that? Just put my legs together? It's the same motion of a snake, kinda, right?"

Zelinda: "Maybe, could work. It took Daniel 6 months of training though before he could master that, while also acting at the same time."
Wil: "It's certainly worth the try."
Zelinda: "Certainly! Then you could eventually become a merperson and join the merpeople colony in the Black Lake at Hogwarts!"

Wil: "Eh...."

Kaitlin: "Is everyone this obsessed with Harry Potter?"

Zelinda: "What?! I am NOT obsessed with Harry Potter!"

 Kaitlin: "Kiiinda sounds like you are..."

 Wil: "Yep. Think we got a closeted Potterhead on our hands."
Kaitlin: "Ha! Most definitely."

Zelinda: "Whatever. Who's got the remote? I want to see that last part again."
Kaitlin: "Which part?"
Zelinda: "The dragons!"
Wil: "But that was like.... half-an-hour ago!"
Zelinda: "...Exactly." ;-)



ZELINDA:
 "Earlier tonight, Wil and Kaitlin decided to watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. When they ran into the Black Lake scene, I began talking about specific parts of the scene from the books and talking about the more behind-the-scenes info of that scene. Wil and Kaitlin accused me of being a closeted Potterhead but I like the idea of merpeople bringing me to my death so that is why I am a fan of that scene. I am not a closeted Potterhead."
Cameraman: "Oh really? A 'casual Harry Potter watcher' won't remember all of those details."
Zelinda: "Seriously, I am just a casual Harry Potter watcher."
Cameraman: "That is some bullshit."
Zelinda: "Well, I- I.... Oh forget it!"
























[DAY 6]



PACCO: 
"I LOVE how we got these private high-end laptops. Because, you see..."
*Pacco gets a CD out of his pocket*
"Tahdah! Photoshop, Illustrator, After Effects, the whole Creative Cloud! All on this CD, legally bought and ready to use. Gotta stay sharp for my job on this show, don't I? Maybe I could portrait a few of the others, who knows?"




Maya: "So you need us to stay still or what? Cause I can do that. With ease."

Pacco: "No no, of course not! It's just a digital portrait. Not a literal one."
 

Giles: "Just promise me that you won't portray me as a fat-ass!"

Ben: "I imagine that would be difficult, considering you shove so many Gegrilltes Käse-Sandwiches down your throat!"
*Giles chokes*

Ben: "...Oh. I apologize. I did not mean to sound rude."

Maya: "Just the opposite, dude! Your bluntness is hilarious!"
 

Giles: "Hahaha, she's right, you're a pretty funny guy, Ben. Ever consider doing stand-up?"

Ben: "Huh? Why would I stand up? I prefer to sit, I'm a huge fan of sitting to be honest, hehe."

Maya: "AMEN to that, brother! ...Oh god. I'm turning into that nugget guy." *shivers*

 Giles: "Eh, maybe not stand-up for you then. You said you like music, right?"
Ben: "Yes, for sure! I know much about music theory and how different cultures express their music preferences."

Giles: "Neato! I'm quite the virtuoso myself... At least, I think I am. If my audience doesn't, hopefully they will think my opening guitar performance is just part of my stand-up act, hahaha."

 Pacco: "Oh, you boys talking music? Just my kind of subject! I don't think anyone is nearly as excited as I am to plan the next musical number. The last one was just TOO much fun... I'd plan it right now if it weren't for my incessant need to express my artistic side!"

Maya: "Maybe pump the breaks a bit on your musical prowess, boys. None of you are the next KT!... She was the highlight of season 3, no doubt about it. I'm so jealous that people got to play with her. The best celebrity we get is a fucking POLITICIAN!"

 Pacco: "....Yeah, erm... Guess you're right. However...... If I were you.... I wouldn't forget the colorful and lovely Miss Maddie Hisoka! She's considered a big celebrity among the younger kids, you know."

Giles: "I heard the taxi incident was all a hoax? Some sort of skit that Maddie planned with the producers?"
Ben: "Is that so?"

Giles: "Yeah. Scared the living daylights outta me in the moment though. What an actress she is!"

Maya: "Well, that was a nice greasy meal. I better start my weekly workout to burn off those extra calories."

Pacco: "Have I ever told you how much I just ADORE your hair?"
Maya: "Uh. No."
Pacco: "Well, I do! My hair actually looked a bit like yours when I was in high school."

Maya: "Cool story bro. Got any more?"
Pacco: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do! I always have a plethora of stories on my mind, would you like to hear about-"

Maya: "I'm leaving."

???: "Pssst!"
Maya: "...?"

Tamela: "Hey, over here!"
Maya: "Can I help you?"
Tamela: "Yes, come in, quick! And don't bring that pesky camerawoman with you!"

 Jan the Camerawoman: "Hah! That's funny. Good luck getting rid of me. I'm everywhere. And nowhere. At. The. Same. Time!"

Maya: "So... What's up? Is this where all the secret alliance meetings take place?"

Tamela: "What did you mean the other day when you implied you have a target on your back?"
Maya: "Huh?"
Tamela: "You told the Governor he wasn't the only one with a target on his back. What did you mean by that?"

 Maya: "Oh, EVERYONE has a target on their back in this game, silly!"

Tamela: "Cut the crap, Maya! I KNOW you weren't talking about the game. Why are you a target? Is someone looking for you? Are you in trouble? Because I--"

Maya: "NO. I am not in trouble. You got the wrong person, I am afraid."

Tamela: "Please, Maya, just hear me out! I-I... I think I need h-help. Something.... Something's severely wrong with me.... I cannot explain, I just keep..... I can't help but sense that someone is watching me, and if we are somehow connected, then I could REALLY use your help right now. Please, I beg of you!!"

Maya: "I-I'm sorry, Tamela, but I don't know-"
Tamela: "YES, you do know!"
Maya: "Stop it! I know nothing!"
Tamela: "Tell me!"
Maya: "LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Tamela: "But Maya--!!"
Maya: "SHUT UP! I CAN'T TALK ABOUT THIS!!"



TAMELA:
*Tamela closes her eyes, pushing her hands against her eyes, palm in*
"Bad dreams go away, bad dreams go away, bad dreams go away.
*She removes her hands from her face.*
There. Maybe that'll be the end. Let's see. I know many are curious to know what happened, but I don't want to talk about it. I've had a rough few months to say the least.
Most everyone seems fairly nice, though, which is what I need a good dose of after all of it.
Paul seems genuinely nice, but I hope he realizes I'll never convert. Right now, religion isn't even on my plate.
Katilin seems sweet, but I understand her cursed feelings. I feel the same. Perhaps we should join forces.
Giles is amazing. He takes my mind off of everything bad and makes me laugh. I need to hang with him more.
Maya is a bit eccentric but very nice. I want to surround myself with people like her to help build my confidence up. Just wish she'd open up to me....
Governor Dave can go jump in a lake. It's people like him that are what I'm trying to get away from.
Wil is also very sweet and very brave. It's like an extra dose of brave was given to him because of the lack of things in other areas.
Zelinda is a strange bird. I believe she might have a nest on her head. Birds could easily take it as that at least.
Pacco is a definite know-it-all, but I think underneath that exterior is a nice person. Just gotta crack him a few times to get to him.
Eva is...well...Eva. I think many of the men like her. I'm still not sure yet. I feel like she's just waiting to make deals with everyone and then stab them in the back later. Feelings can be wrong, though.
Ben seems...well, I'm not sure on him either. He's kind of quiet. I'll wait to say much more about him.
I'm sad to see Maddie go already but I didn't know her much, so I can't comment on her either. Never like to see the first few go. I just hope I'm not one of them. We'll see.
*Tamela yawns*
I need a nap. I haven't been sleeping well at night. Be back later, bishes."



























[ MISSION #3: GUN BUST ]

V: "Good afternoon, contestants.
What is your third mission? It's called Gun Bust.
Inspired by? The Iron Pipeline, which is the largest unlicensed arms-dealing system in the United States, and is a huge problem plaguing not only New York City, but the entire country and WORLD as a whole."

V: "How many Rounds? 14, and each round there will be a new LOCATION and UNDERCOVER COP.
The 10 others will be labeled Gun-Smuggling CRIMINALS.
CRIMINAL OBJECTIVE: Weed out the Cop
COP OBJECTIVE: Bust the Criminals' illegal meetup.
Only the Criminals were privately notified of the meetup Location... The Cop will be stationed in this van behind me, waiting, listening in on the Criminals conversation on a walkie-talkie, trying to blend in. The Criminals are anonymous to each other, so they need to weed out the Cop and find each other quick before the Cop busts their exchange. The only way to do this, is to subtly hint at where they are. If they're too vague, they'll be suspected as the Cop, but too obvious, and the Cop will get wind of their location and raid it.

How does the Round end?
A round ends when either side wins. 15 points will be added to the Group Pot each time the Criminals win.
If the Cop wins the round, those 15 points are lost to the Spy Stash, PLUS, the Cop gets 1 Armor.

CRIMINALS WIN: The group gets 4 guesses per round. At any point, anyone can accuse someone of being the Cop.
If wrong: Game continues
If correct: Criminals win (AND the Guesser gets 1 Armor)

COP WIN: The Undercover Cop can win one of two ways:
1) After awhile, witnesses catch on and alert the Police (AKA: when all guesses are wasted)
 2) The Cop decides to RAID without backup
If wrong: Citizens win.
If correct: It's a Cop Win

~Elusive Exemption~
If you get 3 pieces of Armor, it forms a Bulletproof Suit, which equals an Exemption, correct? Well, if you are able to make a Suit from this mission, you will get the Elusive Exemption.
So, yes: Someone can walk away with TWO EXEMPTIONS from this mission.

~Spies Advantage~
After hacking HQ, the Spies found the database listing all Cops in the NYC area, and upon further investigation, can now identify the Undercover Cop for each new round.

I believe that's everything you need to know. We will take care of everything else, including transportation and costumes, if necessary, depending on the Location. Speaking of which, there are only 25 possible Locations for the gun exchange to occur, and the Cop will be given this list each round. Locations CANNOT repeat, since they will continuously be replaced after use. Cops can be repeated, however."

V: "And how will the structure of the mission go? You will simply take turns asking each other questions about your current Location, and these questions can take any form, and so can the answers. Anyone can start the round, too.
Everyone good on the rules? Alright, we'll randomize the Cop and Location now, and escort everyone to where they need to be."



[A total of 14 rounds were played on the thread, however, only 4 will be shown]
V: "The Cop is situated in his/her van, listening, waiting...
The gun-smuggling Criminals have arrived at Location..."
ROUND 1: BEGIN!

Pacco: "Zelinda, what are you hearing at the moment?"

Zelinda: "Sounds.
Kaitlin, do you think you will enjoy going into this location?"

Kaitlin: "Maybe I guess... It depends....
Tamela, do you know the bride's parents?"

Eva: "I guess that KAITLIN is the Cop!"
 V: "INCORRECT."

Tamela: "Not that I know of.
Maya, is it very crowded near you?"


Maya: "Not particularly.
Yo P, are you in a building?"


Pacco: "I am.... Wait.... Is that-?!"

Artie: "Such a beau piece, non?"
Linda: "Absolutely! Love the colors."
Artie: "Guess who'z zit is??"
Linda: "NO WAY... That's yours?!"
Artie: "OUI!"

Pacco: "ARTIE AND LINDA! OMG! I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS! How are you two?! This is such a coincidence running into you!"
 Artie: "Bonjour, petit guy! You muzt be a Mole fan?"

Pacco: "Hah! Obviously. Who isn't?? So, what brings you two into my backyard? You should have warned me you were coming, I could have shown you around!"
 

Artie: "I am here for un Art Expo!"
Linda: "And I'm here to meet with Nikki Haley, the US Ambassador to the UN! Unfortunately, I can't say more about our meeting, it is very confidential..." 

Pacco: "Eeeek! How exciting!! And woah... Have you grown taller since the last time I saw you!?" o_O

 Artie: "Haaw haaw, people ALWAYS zink I am taller in pers-"

Pacco: "OH SHOOT! Sorry girls, I'm in the middle of a mission and it's my turn! Let's catch up sometime, okay? And Artie, I'm enchanted by that scarf! How ravishingly arresting!"
Artie: "Oh.... Zanks?"

Pacco: "Quick though, memory-photo time! Say cheese!"
 Artie: "Fromage!"
Linda: "Oh god, I hate Cheesers! They're the worst player EVER."

Zelinda: "Everyone, I must come clean... I am the Cop, and you are all at the SUPERMARKET!"
*crickets chirping*

V: "Officer Leyen... That is WRONG.
 THE CRIMINALS HAVE GOTTEN AWAY AT THE ART MUSEUM."



ROUND 2
 
 [Paul correctly raided the RESTAURANT]



ROUND 3
[Maya correctly identified Tamela, leading to a successful gun exchange at the CONSTRUCTION SITE]



 ROUND 4
[Kaitlin erroneously raided the HOSPITAL, thus, the Criminals got away at the RETIREMENT HOME*]
 {*AKA: The Home of Elders; not Elderly Nuggets, mind you... Just your average old saggy people with ugly wheelchairs ;-p}



  ROUND 5

[Maya erroneously raided the SIGHTSEEING BUS, thus, the Criminals got away at the CEMETERY]



ROUND 6
[Wil correctly identified Zelinda, leading to a successful gun exchange at the MOVIE THEATER]



 ROUND 7

[Wil erroneously raided the AIRPLANE*, thus, the Criminals got away at the SUBWAY STATION]
 {*Some say the Coptain is still up there to this day...}



  ROUND 8

[Pacco correctly identified Eva, leading to a successful gun exchange at a WEDDING*]
 {*Lady in pink hid a pistol in the cake. Don't eat the bottom tier, ladies and gents.}



  ROUND 9:
Tamela: "Wait, is this a...." (her voice trails off in fear)

Tamela: "No.... No! NO!!"

Tamela: "I thought I put this all behind me! YOU CAN'T PUT ME BACK IN HERE!!"
*she begins to tremble*

Tamela: "H-hello?! Is anyone going to go first? No? So it has to be me, huh? Gahhh..... Okay, okay, focus, Tam.... Z-Zelinda, is this a good place to hide, erm.... treasure?"

Zelinda: "No, not really.
Maya, is there air conditioning in this location?"

Maya: "Potentially.
Kaitlin, if you could describe this place in one word what would it be?"

Kaitlin: "Horrible.
Zelinda, what is the food like...?"

Zelinda: "Terrib-"
Paul: "YES! I have successfully found you all in a JAIL!"

Paul: "Time to serve some time behind bars, you filthy bumnuggets! And look, we're already at your new home!! Thanks for making my job a TON easier, you bunch of sinners! Bwhahahaha!"

The Gov: "Drats. He caught us again. Clever duckie. Now will someone GET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING CELL?!"



  ROUND 10:
Kaitlin: "Zelinda, if I had kids, could I bring them here?"

 Wil: "You want to bring your underage kids to a gun deal?!... Gee."

Zelinda: "...Probably not a good idea.
Mr. Nugent, name a film that showed this location in one of the scenes."

Paul: "Hmmm... I think 'The Singles Ward'? Or maybe 'God's Army'.
Giles, is our Lord and Savior's divine blood often drank here?"

Paul: "By the way, everyone- if you happen to see me, I am wearing a disguise with PROPS only. I cannot stress the word PROP enough. I do NOT consume the Devil's poison..."

Zelinda: "I accuse PAUL of being the Cop. He's too nervous."
V: "INCORRECT."

Wil: "I accuse ZELINDA of being the Cop! On behalf of Paul, haha..."
V: "INCORRECT."
Wil: "Fucking hell, WHO PUT THIS CAR HERE?!"

Giles: "What dude? Is his blood served here?!?! Uh... Sure. Maybe, maybe not.
Tamela, is this place currently crowded?"

*Giles thinks he's discovered the Location of the Criminals, and is now in hot pursuit*

Tamela: "I accuse GILES of being the Cop. Sorry if I'm wrong but we still have a guess left. His answer was just a little too vague for me."

Giles: "I'M HERE! I gotcha now, baddies!!"

Tamela: "YES! I WAS RIGHT! Haha, sorry, but you're too late buddy. We busted you before you could bust us!!"

Giles: "Dagnabbit! I was so fricken close!"

The Gov: "Nice try, pal! You'll get us next time."
Zelinda: "You all can carry on with the mission. I'm staying here."
V: "No. No you're not."
Zelinda: "Craps!"




  ROUND 11

[Kaitlin correctly identified Pacco, leading to a successful gun exchange at the RACETRACKS]



ROUND 12

 [Tamela correctly raided the CATHEDRAL]



  ROUND 13

[While the Criminals were attempting to weed out the Cop, a chef on-board grew suspicious and alerted the Police. Before they knew it, their secret location was compromised as Eva's unit RAIDED the SUBMARINE]

 

ROUND 14:
Pacco: "Ben, just count to three
And make a spin,
Now please tell me,
The first thing your hand is touchin'!"

Ben: "A Computer.
Eva, are there many people at this place?"

Eva: "Oh, lots.
Elder, what's with all these muscular guys?"

Paul: "They are healthy. Probably hit the gym quite often, I'd imagine.
Kaitlin, would you like anything to drink?"

Kaitlin: "OJ?
Eva, is this a nice job?"

Eva: "Depends on what position you get.
Wil, what do you smell?"

Wil: "Gunpowder?... I mean... Not that I know what it smells like...
Kaitlin, what kind of hat is that man wearing? He's standing out."

Kaitlin: "Which hat? There's a few people wearing hats-"
Pacco: "STOP RIGHT THERE, KIDDOS! YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST AT THE COLLEGE CAMPUS!!!"
*crickets*

V: "THE MISSION HAS ENDED! AGENTS, PLEASE GATHER AT THE ENTRANCE OF THE
MOVIE SET!"


~minutes later~


V: "Pacco was our last Cop, and was unable to bust the Criminals' gathering in time. That is yet another Criminal win, adding an additional 15 points to the pot. The total amount added to the Group Pot for this mission is 150, and 60 into the Spy Stash."

V: "Wait. You ARE Pacco, right? ....Hello?"
Pacco: ".....Who, me?"
Maya: "Do you not know who Pacco is?!"

V: "Have I not told you people? I have Prosopagnosia."
Tamela: "Huh?"
V: "Facial blindness. I can't recognize faces."
Giles: "You what."
V: "Seriously, you all did not know?"
Ben: "How would we know? You don't tell us ANYTHING about yourself! For all we know you could be a robot!"
V: "If I were, that too would be top secret."
Ben: "GAAHHHH!!"

V: "Why do you think I just call you 'Agents' all the time? It's a lot easier than trying to figure out who everyone is. Well, admittedly, I started to have it down since for some reason you all wear the same godawful clothes everyday.... but so do I... anyway: With this particular mission, I have completely lost sight of who is who."
Giles: "So you can't tell the difference between a wiener and king right now?"
V: "Who just said that?"
Giles: "I'll take that as my answer."
Wil: "Can you recognize the cowboy??"

V: "Yes, I can recognize you, Wil. You're always sitting down."
Wil: "...Touché."

V: "Unfortunately the cause behind my Facial Blindness is confidential. And so is what I do for a living, which, the condition sort of helps with. Sometimes. I'm heading home, which, unsurprisingly, is also highly confidential. I would tell you about my cat George but he's top secret information as well.
Later, Agents!"
The Gov: "That's not a real exit."
V: "...Oh. Right."




************************************************************************





MISSION SUMMARY:



Round 1: Cop = Jake (Citizen Win)
Round 2: Cop = Choco (Cop Win)(Choco--> +1 Armor)
Round 3: Cop = Lo (Criminal Win)(Celty--> +1 Armor)
Round 4: Cop = Alleen (Criminal Win)
Round 5: Cop = Celty (Criminal Win)
Round 6: Cop = Jake (Criminal Win)(Haylo--> +1 Armor)
Round 7: Cop = Haylo (Criminal Win)
Round 8: Cop = Iceman (Criminal Win)(Vul--> +1 Armor)
Round 9: Cop = Choco (Cop Win)(Choco--> +1 Armor)
Round 10: Cop = Tiger (Criminal Win)(Lo--> +1 Armor)
Round 11: Cop = Vul (Criminal Win)(Alleen--> +1 Armor) 
 Round 12: Cop = Lo (Cop Win)(Lo--> +1 Armor)
Round 13: Cop = Iceman (Cop Win)(Iceman--> +1 Armor) 
 Round 14: Cop = Vul (Criminal Win)

 
Group Pot: +150
Spy Stash: +60




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