EPISODE 6: IMMA CUMEDIAN

[DAY 7]

PACCO:

"Ohmygosh ohmygosh OH MY GOSH!!! Linda and Artie, people! LINDA AND ARTIE!! That was so great seeing them again, so so SO GREAT! Woohp! Artie was just sooooo bright in real, it- it, it's.. all the colors, around the essence of her person, twirling and meddling around her, twirled mixtures and..."

*Pacco's Confessional gets fast forwarded while he rambles on and on for minutes about Artie's colorful being* 

"... about it, she's much more brighter than I can remember.. Even since the last time I met her. Hm.. Might be Linda. Not that there's anything bad about it, she just got a much.. darker, calmer aura on her. Might be her past shining through her. Might just all.. compensate a bit overall. Pretty interesting. Luckily Linda seems to have grown a lot as a person since The Mole. Another thing why I like The Mole so much, throwing a random bunch of people together in the ultimate mindfuck is a great grounds for unusual friendships to..."

*Pacco's Confessional gets fast forwarded again while he rambles on and on for minutes about the reasons of why someone must have participated on The Mole at least once in their life* 

"... when he claimed his realization that he got over his fear of water, that was incredibly heartwarming to see.... Anyway, what was I originally talking about here again?..... Oh right, Linda, Artie, I hope that you'll enjoy each other’s company for years to come and that you'll learn a lot from each other. Oh, and Linda, that hat looks good on you. Laters!"

EVA:

"Where I come from, a lot of people are Catholics, so I've seen my fair share of religious crazies. And let me tell you, Elder Nugent is nowhere near that. I mean, I suppose him calling everyone brother or sister and asking us to refer to him as Elder is somewhat strange and creepy, especially since he's only an 18-year-old kid, but most of you have probably never seen someone froth at the mouth upon the mere mention of artificial contraception. Yes, I live in THAT kind of place. I'm glad that the people here in the Big Apple seem to be more tolerant, at least.
Well, I suppose Elder Nugent is sort of cute in a boyish way. A boy with full stubble. I'd much rather call him Elder Nugget, however. It just sounds more cutesy that way, and admittedly, it's fun to rile him up a bit like that. A little teasing never hurt, right?"

Giles: "What is this? You're all still here?! I'm shocked!"
Eva: "How so?"

Giles: "I thought for sure that by now, you'd all be waiting in line to attend Elder Nugget's daily cult meeting!"
*Ben snorts*
Zelinda: "Hehehe."

Eva: "Hey, give the poor kid a break! You KNOW he's simply brainwashed into believing that his grand 'mission' is his most important duty in life. If it makes him happy, thinking he's helping others, more power to him, right?"

Ben: "She has got a point."

Zelinda: "Last time I checked though, 'brainwashed' isn't something to be proud of. Plus: there are more effective ways to help others, so if that is indeed his calling, perhaps he should invest more effort into those ways instead."

Ben: "...She's got a point too."

Zelinda: "Of course I do. Paul's a bit of a lost cause. But that's great for you and me! If he's already been heavily brainwashed, that means he's easily to manipulate. What better game is there to manipulate others than The Mole?!"

Giles: "Okay, even I would argue calling him a lost cause is a bit of a stretch! He's still young. And clearly, very inexperienced. This is almost the perfect environment for him to grow a bit- he took a gap year to be a missionary before attending college, right? That means WE are acting as his pre-college experience! He hasn't been yet, and we are the next closest thing to bunking with a bunch of strangers. His fate rests in our hands, folks! But... admittedly I already have enough wieners on my plate, I'm not sure I can take any more!"

Ben: "Is he making a sexuell witz-er, joke, right now?"

Giles: "Imma cumedian for Christ's sake! EVERYTHING I say is a double entendre!!"

Eva: "That wasn't?"

Giles: "Wasn't it, though?" ;-)

Giles: "Oh, shit. I think I did something wrong."

Giles: "Ah!"

Ben: "Did you burn the weenies??"

Giles: "Jesus!"

*the girls giggle*

Giles: "Hotsa-matotsa!! Quick, someone get the fire extinguisher!"

*Ben begins laughing at Giles as well*

Ben: "Ahaahah!! Hey, it is fine. Just a bit of extra smoke. You burn the sausages is all."

Giles: "...."

Zelinda: "I will go and make us something else for lunch. Thank you for the good laugh, Giles."
Giles: "Haha, yeah... Always."

 BEN:

"Okay, today’s look at the calendar was really devastating, I missed Eurovision. But why doesn't it surprise me anyways. Mum, if you watch this, Ich hoffe du hast die Show aufgenommen, wie wir es vereinbart haben. However, I won't withdraw because of that, I mean this show so much more important, and I think I made a few new friends by now. Though I wouldn't count Tamela and Paul to them. In Paul’s case, he is really getting more and more on my nerves. I swear, even my Großvater has a better sense of humor, and he sadly passed away a few months ago. I mean I get it, if you believe into something, you should follow it, even if it involves religion, but it seems like it’s the only thing that is a part of his life. About Tamela, she isn't necessarily bad, but she is creeping me out. She is hiding everywhere and is so gottverdammt mysterious and suspicious of everything. I think she got serious trust issues. She is actually a nice girl but I hope she will be more open to everybody as this show continues. I think the people I'm getting along the best with so far are Maya, Giles and Pacco. You know, I'm even surprised with Pacco, but he is actually a funny guy, even though is stories can get quite long, but honestly I'm not better in that lol *laughs*. From all girls in this show, I'm really glad that Maya is one of my roommates. I've never seen an personal trainer who is as lazy as me *laughs*. But she is really cool. And Giles is amazing, we are always joking and fooling around. To be honest, it might be possible that I have a little crush on him, but JUST a little *blushes*. Actually he told us that he is bisexual and everybody knows that I'm also bi, but first of all I think he is more fitting to either Maya or Eva, and I'm not sure if he feels the same way, so I rather want everything to stay the same as it is right now. I just hope that my "feelings" towards him aren't too offensichtlich, the last time I had a crush on somebody was when I was in 6th grade."

Pacco: "I just personally find it so incredibly fascinating how the lives of people intertwine, in ways we don't even anticipate! I suppose that's why I love telling stories so much, and the stories WE make, as complete strangers, coming together and playing in this masterful game is equally engrossing."

The Gov: "Settle down, youngster. It's far too late in the evening to be talking such philosophics."

Pacco: "Then you're in the wrong place, mister! I mean, HELLO?? This is the city that never sleeps. You're clearly not one of us!"
Eva: "One of us? I thought you lived in Mongolia?"

Pacco: "Huh? Well-yes. I was born there, but I currently reside in NYC."

Giles: "Hey. Isn't that my shirt??"
Pacco: "....Maybe."
Giles: "..."

 The Gov: "If I were you, Mr. Kruger, I'd keep my possessions nearby. Someone borrowed my slippers last night without asking, and I have yet to find the dastardly culprit!"

Giles: "Ehhh... It's whatever, man. Wear my stuff if you want. Just don't spill anything on it."

Eva: "Not like you wear it anyway! Instead you go shirtless, attempting to seduce everyone in this house!"

Giles: "Hey, it's working, ain't it?" ;-)

Eva: "...Maybe?" ;-)

Pacco: "Peculiarly enough, I just became drowsy. Want me to leave a lamp on for you two?"

Giles: "Actually, no, I was just heading to bed myself."

Eva: "Same for me. We do not need to wake Tamela more than once, especially when she has been getting peaceful sleep without all the invasive nightmares."

Pacco: "What a model of rectitude you are!"

Eva: "...Huh?"

Giles: "You are going to have to ignore him. He's been using bigger words ever since he put those damn glasses on."

Pacco: "My apologies for having such a colorful palette of vocabulary!"

Eva: "Are you going to be up late, Gov?"

The Gov: "No, not at all, just need to brush my teeth is all."

Eva: "If you can find your toothbrush." *winks*

The Gov: "What? ...Oh, you BETTER HAVE NOT-"

Eva: "Heeheehee! Goodnight, Governor."

The Gov: *sighs* "Night."

*The Gov pulls out a hidden phone from his robe*

 The Gov: "Hello? Yes, I-I............ I know, She faked the whole thing..."

The Gov: "Well, I wasn’t to know that she was an actress..."

The Gov: "Yes, So that's 1 down and 10 more to go..."

The Gov: "They all are liars, It's like the US Congress in here!" *Laughs and Coughs*

 
The Gov: "I'd kill for a cigar right now, wonder if they'll do one of those drone deliveries up to here with a box of smokes?"

The Gov: "I can’t keep doing this, I'm a bag of nerves. I don’t know if it's fear or the nicotine withdrawal talking. This is the last time I do anything for you guys, I'd rather face jail than work under these conditions." *Coughs*

 
Pacco (whispering): "Jan?!"
Jan the Camerawoman: "Shhh! Don't let him see you!" 
Pacco: "Oh, shit!" 

The Gov: "Look, just tell me you found out something when you hacked the database."

The Gov: "And? What did it say? Wait... I hear someone.
Hello? Anyone there? Come out now and I promise I won’t throw you from the Balcony!... Hello....? Anyone??"
 


The Gov: "No, I know YOU'RE there, you imbecile! I just thought someone was listening... What were you saying? You hacked the database?"

 The Gov: ".......Well that's no good to me, now is it? I know half of their names by now!"
Jan the Camerawoman: "Shoot!"

The Gov: "What about that V woman? Anything on her?"
Jan the Camerawoman: "MOVE!"

 
The Gov: "Well that's just SO interesting, isn’t it? Except.... She already told me she has Prosopagnosia you idiot!"

The Gov: "What is the point in having an informant in the FBI if they can’t tell you anything?!"

Pacco: "Quick, now!!"
*The Gov coughs loudly as Jan slides behind the couch*

Pacco: "YAS! This is going to lead to SUCH a juicy article! I wonder what the title should be? 
'Deposed Politician Remains Shady'? 'Shady Deals Of An Even Shadier Politician'??"

The Gov: "If you want me to complete this mission then you have to give me something I can use or else I could be the next one out. Then where would that get you?"

The Gov: "Hey, don’t you DARE hang up on me, I said don’t you... Hello?? Fucking hell."

The Gov: "Cheeky bastard!"

 [DAY 8]

*** 

Kaitlin: "Hmmm...."

 Kaitlin: "Good morning, everyone."

Ben: "Guten Morgen!!"

Zelinda: "What brings you into the Fun Room, Ms. Kaitlin Harlow?"

Kaitlin: "Ah, a little bit of this, a little bit of that..."

 Ben: "Sounds like fun! I'm in."

Zelinda: "I'm afraid I do not do vague. Please elaborate?"

Kaitlin: "Uhhh... I'm here to ask if either of you.... Mostly you Zelinda, or Maya, but she's sleeping.... If perhaps you wanted to join me at Paul's scripture study group? He's moved it to mornings, figuring everyone's busy at night, and no one has showed up again. I'm sure it is more than a bit disheartening for him to see that no one cares enough to show up, not even once.... 

So, can I expect the both of you to show up?!"

Zelinda: "Sorry. I'm busy."
Ben: "Dito. Got besser things to do."
Kaitlin: "Like what?"

Ben: "Play Abnormality Kart."
Zelinda: "Prepare for tonight's Ranking."
 Ben: "Sorry."

 Kaitlin: "That's OK. I'll just find someone else."

***

*Tamela hastily grabs a plastic bag from her suitcase*

*She opens the bag and grabs a pill, placing it on her tongue*

 Kaitlin: "Oh, I'm, er... sorry. Wasn't sure anyone was up."
*Tamela swallows it dry*

Tamela: "Hey! Just having my vitamins. What's up?"

Kaitlin: "Aren't most vitamins consumed at night?"

Tamela: "Mine aren't."
Kaitlin: "Yes, I can see that."

Tamela: "Uh-huh."
Kaitlin: "Hmmm... Can we talk?"

Tamela: "Uhhh, yeah, for sure. Let's step outside so we don't wake these guys up."

Tamela: "And would you mind not telling anyone about my vitamins?"
Kaitlin: "Why? I thought they were just vitamins?"
Tamela: "I think you and I both know they aren't."

Tamela: "Coast is clear. What do you want. Information? I don't have any."

Kaitlin: "No, it... it's something else entirely. Paul has shown me and everyone else nothing but kindness since the moment our blindfolds came off--"
Tamela: "And even before then, too. I won't forget how he tried to comfort me when I was scared."
Kaitlin: "--Exactly. And how does everyone treat him? Like shit."

 Tamela: "Fair enough. Where is this going though?"

Kaitlin: "I want you to come with me to his study group thing. It would mean a lot to him.... And me."

 Tamela: "Uhm.... Okay. But why? What do you need me for?"

Kaitlin: "I'd feel much more comfortable with a woman beside me, since I haven't exactly had the best 'history' with men. But there's something special about this Paul Nugent guy. He's been the only person to reach out and extend a helping hand to me. The ONLY one. I have never seen such compassion and genuine selflessness from a man before. NEVER. He is literally the first."

Tamela: "And you feel you owe it to him to attend his daily scriptures?"
Kaitlin: "Precisely. What do you say?"
Tamela: "Sure, but under one condition."
Kaitlin: "Go ahead."

Tamela: "I need help convincing Production to resupply my pills. I'm running out and don't know what to do."
Kaitlin: "Erm. They're not drugs, are they?"

Tamela: "No no no, of course not! No... Th-they.... It helps with my current condition, is all. It's the only thing keeping me sane in here.... In my head. Without them, I fear the fog will completely shroud over...."
Kaitlin: "Okay, then yes, you got yourself a deal. Come on."

***

*Paul sighs*

Paul: "Huh?"

Paul: "...."

Paul: "Huh!?"

 WIL:

"Bonding with people in this game is tough, man. Especially when there's two people out there that are lying to your face and are ready to stab you in the back...

Despite the game, I've actually bonded quite well with a few people. Some not so much. Kaitlin seems to want to stay away from me hardcore man. I mean she threw a freaking can at me in the second mission. I swear, either the girl is constantly on her period, or she hates my guts for no good reason... Probably my stupid disability. *sighs* She reminds me of my ex-girlfriend... Pfft. Who needs her though, right?

Anyway... Like I was saying. I've bonded with some awesome people here. Giles and Ben are my go-to bros. They're always around to chill and joke around. They're both cool in their own way.

It's odd really... Not feeling shunned by everyone, I mean... Ah, Whatever. They all secretly resent me, probably.

Whatever... Though some of the guys are wicked cool. The real person I wanna spend time with is Maya. Man, that girl is smoking hot! She'd never go for a guy like me though. Not like this... Unless... Ya know, she does like to sit down and I'm literally nothing more than a portable chair. Maybe it's a match made in heaven. Plus she only lives a state away. Haha! Whatever... All I'm saying is I'd like to get to know her a bit better above anyone here.... And I think I have JUST the plan to do so!"

MAYA:

"No, I’m not anxious, I just like to fidget, okay? You have a problem with that? *sighs* God, what’s up with the people in this house? This was supposed to be relaxing, or at least more relaxing than this hen house we have going on. Tamela will not stop breathing down my neck, and I feel like the only way to get rid of her is to just constantly wander around which is definitely not ideal. Then I'm forced to face Nugget, as everyone has taken to calling him, at least once every few hours which is NOT fun. I mean he's nice and all, but I eat a ton all ready; I don't need scripture jammed down my throat. Tamela is definitely the worst, though. She keeps asking questions and pulling me aside. Honestly that girl is a few nuts and bolts too short if you get what I’m saying. I mean some of the others don't really bother me, so maybe I should stick around Wil or even the Governor of all people. Damnit, I have all this pent up energy; I’m going for a jog, and don’t you dare follow me you nosy fucker."

Wil: "Is she coming back? ....What do you mean 'Who'?!? Maya! Is she- oh shit.... GAH!!"

Maya: "Oh, Wil! Hey, let me help you out with that."

Maya: "Here, just grab my-"
Wil: "Ahhhh!"
Maya: "Ugh, why are you so heavy?!"
Wil: "I thought you were strong!"
Maya: "Not all fitness trainers are strong, you know!"

Wil: "Great, now I'm stuck!"
Maya: "Fuck. Let me- grrr, okay, I'm going to take my shoes off."

 Maya: "Okay, you holding on?"
Wil: "Yes!"

Wil: "GAUAHHHH!!"
Maya: "Don't hold onto THAT!"

Wil: "Then what else am I supposed to hold onto!?"
Maya: "Okay, shit. Just hold on for a sec! I don't want to get my pants wet."

Wil: "Good call, we wouldn't want that...."

 Maya: "Okay, now LIFT!"

Wil: "OW!! My leg's caught on something!"
Maya: "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!"

*Moments later*


Maya: "PHEW! Now THAT was a workout...."
Wil: "Uhm. Hardly. But sure."
Maya: "Eh. It was strenuous enough for me. So are you good?"

Wil: "Not QUITE yet...."

Maya: "WHAT do you think you're doing?!"
Wil: "I was just-"

Maya: "Did you-- OH MY GOD! ...... I-I CANNOT believe you just lured me in here!!"

Wil: "Maya, please! I promise my intentions were good!"

Maya: "What, to pretend you needed help so that you can get me to strip?!"
Wil: "Okay, I know it SOUNDS bad, but in actuality, I thought it was pretty clever..."

Maya: "Clever?! More like PATHETIC. Have fun getting back out, you pervert."

EXECUTION CEREMONY

V: "Good evening, Agents. Welcome to your 2nd Execution Ceremony."

V: "If you wish to use an exemption, please display so now by sitting on the side bench."

V: "....Very well. The 10 of you are vulnerable."

V: "Whereas.... That woman over there is the only person safe from elimination tonight."

V: "The Agent who performed the worst on their Ranking will be the one executed.

As a reminder, either Spy can be assassinated at any moment, without warning."

V: "Let us begin. Maya, your results will be shown first."

V: "Green imagery indicates safety, while red imagery indicates elimination."

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V: "Ben, let's see how you did."

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Ben: "Verdammt..."

V: "Ben Schiffer, it is your time to go. Please leave the premises immediately."

V: "It is here and now that I should confess something. Not about myself, of course, but the reason all of you were cast onto this show. We got hundreds upon hundreds of applications, so why did we select the 12 of you?

Well... As you are eliminated one-by-one, I will reveal the true reason behind your recruitment.

Why Ben? We wanted to show another side of Autism. Namely? The independent and intelligent kind. 

Millions of people around the world suffer from self-doubt and low self-esteem due to their disability or mental illness. Society ingrains in their brain that they are unable to perform the tasks that "normal" and "healthy" individuals can do, and it certainly does not prepare them or give them the confidence necessary to become successful both in work and social life. 

Ben was here to prove to all those boys and girls out there with Autism-- and any other mental disorder-- that anything is possible, and to always reach for the stars!"

V: "If you're wondering:
Why Maddie? Answer is: We simply have been having a gradual decline in the lower-age demographic, and figured the best way to boost it was to cast a character that the kids would love.
Plus, her high energy and bright personality offered a great contrast to some of the moodier and broodier cast members."

V: "Get some sleep, Agents. You're in for a tense and strenuous mission the day after tomorrow."

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